From The Parents Handbook

Extracts from “Summerhill Parent’s Handbook”
Sending your child to Summerhill is probably one of the biggest decisions you will ever make.

Naturally you are apprehensive; wondering how being a “Summerhill parent” will affect your life.

Hopefully these pages will provide you with information, and perhaps calm some worries.

Being a Summerhill parent
Well, you have done it. After the packing, preparation, traveling, you have finally left your child at Summerhill. It was all very quick; you found your child’s Houseparent, found his/her bedroom, piled all their stuff in it – then probably a quick kiss or a hug if you were lucky and you are driving away up the front drive, feeling TERRIBLE.

The first thing to do is, don’t WORRY!

Even if your child looked pretty miserable as you left, they are unlikely to be homesick for more than a few minutes at a time. If they are unhappy to begin with, the houseparent and other staff will keep an eye on them and issue cuddles and comfort if permitted!

Rest assured that you will only get phone-calls from your child when they are thoroughly miserable -– just in case you were thinking you could relax and enjoy yourself at home! When they are happily playing or hanging out with friends they are most unlikely to suddenly think, ‘I’ll just go and call home to tell them what a good time I’m having. . . ‘

From now on you will probably feel as though your child is in a separate world from you. You will get very little from the school to tell you how things are going. Just the occasional news letter, which will only say how the weather was last term – nothing important like when your child goes to bed, or if they get enough sleep, or who might be their best friend etc.

When the holidays come you may be lucky and get a detailed account of last term from your child – but more often you will not. What happens at school is usually considered the kid’s own business, not necessarily to be shared with parents and relatives. For you, accepting this is part of learning to accept your new independent, free child. Try to imagine yourself in their place. Do you tell them everything that has happened in your life during the term when they were away? How much sleep you have been getting, whether you went to work or not, who might be your best friend - I don’t think so!

Being a Summerhill parent demands a certain amount of “letting go” of your child. The community of Summerhill will be a powerful part of their life from now on. Being independent does not mean that your child will love or need you any less – but they will probably need you in a different way than before.

The children of Summerhill value their individual lives within the community. They enjoy the freedom to be themselves and to make mistakes. These mistakes can take many forms – most usually petty thieving, breaking bedtime laws, harassing other people etc. All the things that you and I did as children! In the school community the ombudsmen and the Meetings will deal with it with no fuss or bother.

Sometimes pupils are quite guarded with parents about what they do at school. Try not to worry if this is the case, it is quite normal. Most children want their parents to see them as saints and are very keen not to shatter the illusion! Whereas they are quite happy to misbehave at Summerhill, they are often not ready to be seen that way at home. You can help the situation if it occurs by ensuring that you don’t have high expectations. In fact, no expectations at all would be better!

Not many of us can honestly say that we never break the speed limit when driving, or park illegally from time to time!

Non-compulsory lessons

By now, you surely know that at Summerhill lessons are not compulsory. This really does mean that kids can stay away as much as they like.

As parents, you will have to think very carefully about how you are going to handle this situation when it arises. All too frequently, we have well-intentioned parents who think they won’t mind if their child is not working hard, but when it happens they give the kid a hard time or apply subtle pressure in a benign way.

Remember, at Summerhill your kid could theoretically NEVER go to a lesson – they have that right. Staff members are not going to persuade, cajole or bully your child about lessons. Though, of course, we will always be realistic about a kid’s future options and certainly will approach them to offer help if they are struggling with any aspects of this.

It is painful to see some kids persistently enrol in many classes, maybe to please parents who are knowingly (or unknowingly) applying pressure. These children will not be regular attendees and will frequently develop bad consciences about the whole issue. You can see it wrapped about them like a heavy cloak. It is destructive to their development and their whole attitude to learning.

We don’t expect new pupils to attend many classes. For some this is a short-term thing, for others the return to formal learning takes longer. We are as proud of the pupils who seldom attend classes as we are of our academics. We do have strategies if we feel the need to monitor, and we will offer help if appropriate.

Remember Neill’s famous quote:
“ I would rather Summerhill produced a happy street sweeper than a neurotic prime minister.”

Of course, Summerhill kids are very aware of pressures from the outside world. For instance, friends or relatives might be talking about their own achievements in class – this does not go unnoticed and can often make our kids feel inadequate academically. This is something that we constantly have to deal with at Summerhill. Our kids have self-esteem as high as the sky, but academically they often feel vulnerable.

Sometimes parents ask us how their children are doing in class. This is usually not a problem but it is important for them to understand how the school deals with it. Below is an extract from the Summerhill staff handbook:

• In the awkward event of a parent asking things about their child which you feel uncomfortable about divulging, (Typically, does my child attend classes? Or, does my child smoke?) the best response is to remind the parent of the school’s philosophy and suggest that they ask the child themselves. Whenever possible our allegiance must be to the children, who value their privacy here. Of course, we must not mislead parents or withhold information if it is demanded.

• Summerhill does not issue any reports for pupils, but teachers can put together what we call a “report pack” which is a summary of kid’s achievements in class and the community. Its main use is for college applications or for school transfer. It is only given with the child’s permission.

Day Kids

Having a day pupil at Summerhill usually means a lot of driving! It also means sitting in the car park waiting or being told to come later today because there is something ‘good’ happening. Many day kids would rather board after their first term or two. Day kids are only allowed to stay at school for special occasions.

Regarding attendance, Summerhill has to do exactly the same as any other school. Legally we are obliged to have a daily register and we have to mark kids absent if they are not there. Our pupils are supposed to be at school by 9:30 each weekday. What time they leave will depend on whether they have afternoon classes. Generally speaking, most kids are ready to leave by 5:30.

Coming in at weekends is optional. Obviously, they are going to gain more from the school if they are here as much as possible. As the school holidays are so long the more time they spend at Summerhill the better. After all, the terms were designed for boarders.
On “slobbing days” (non– lesson days) it is important that your children are at the school and you do not pick them up just because they are bored. Everyone at Summerhill has to experience boredom – the boarders have to deal with it for themselves and so should the days kids. Boredom leads to creativity!

There are obviously many things that day kids do not experience in the same way as boarders: the responsibilities taken within the community and giving back to the group are lessened by not being there all the time. Most ex-pupils would agree that the REAL Summerhill experience is to live in the school with all the trials and tribulations that go with it. But having said that, many pupils have been day kids and gained a terrific amount from it.

There can sometimes be problems if a day child is anti-social and is pushing against the community in some ways. Being “brought up” in Summerhill is an important part of school life and is the community’s most significant way of dealing with bad behaviour. If a pupil is going home each night it can seriously undermine the power of the community. Sometimes we have to ask that the child becomes a boarder so that we can deal with problems properly. It has been known for a child to avoid school on meeting days because they were being brought up!

Health & Safety

All Summerhill kids are enrolled on the local doctor’s register. We do not have a school nurse, athough the school ensures that some staff are trained in First Aid. We are only three minutes walk from the local doctor’s surgery.

We tend to have a pretty laid-back attitude to sickness here. This does not mean that your child will be left to their own devices or neglected, but we are not into the modern attitude of scare-mongering, throwing our hands in the air with every sniffle or assuming that every bump or knock is a broken limb. It is surprising how many children who come to us with an allergy; end up with none at all after a short time. Maybe it’s the brisk Suffolk air!

Although, obviously, every care is taken within the community to ensure safety we do, from time to time, have accidents and broken bones! Risk taking, both physical and emotional, is part of the Summerhill experience. Mostly,we find that “free range” children are naturally more balanced, agile and careful and tend not to get hurt, in spite of the fact that there are many large trees to climb and other adventures to be had.(Skateboarding is proving to be a notable exception to this and has provided several trips to casualty during recent years.)

There are no laws concerning cycle helmets or skate-board pads – it was not thought to be practical when brought to the school meeting. These and other issues get discussed in the meetings if there are any worries and the community decides what is best. There are many laws concerning health and safety. Please feel free to contact the school regarding any of these.